i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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