everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
