who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't turn off my feet"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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