i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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