he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
