So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
