I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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