I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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