omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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