just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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