if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
