well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
