you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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