So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
