shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
