I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just googled if crying burns calories
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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