I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize