That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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