I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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