And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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