i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
