Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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