I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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