just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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