he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
