Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
