my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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