I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
