You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
