We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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