honey bunches of taint.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your cock deserves a montage
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
