Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize