Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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