Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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