Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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