finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
