i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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