wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
