I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
