I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
