I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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