That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
