walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
