why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He better not be in your backpack
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
