I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
