I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
