When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who did Billy Mays play for?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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