how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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