My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
