It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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