The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
