my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
