Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
