i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
