she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
