My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
