You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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