my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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