I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
