Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
