Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
