Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
