I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
