someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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