grandma shit on top of the toilet
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
