I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
