Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
