Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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