please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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