So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
